ericamayer's posterous

100 lbs lost!

So...I did it, I really did it. I lost 100 lbs. 
Well, TECHNICALLY...I've lost 103 lbs. :) You see, when I started Medifast (which I am no longer on), I was already down 3 lbs from my highest weight ever. Crazy. A lot of folks were wondering about a before/after pic...I'm still trying to figure out which before pic to use, so that will be a later post. ;-) 

Along the way, there have been many victories. Too many to list, but I'm going to give it a try. 

1. Wearing a dress. 
     This is a recent development. When I was bigger I felt as if everything just looked like a big tent on me, since I'm full "up top." Now, it's been pretty fun feeling "girlie" again. 
2. Not rushing in horror to untag photos of myself on facebook. 
3. Feeling comfortable in an area seat. (Thank you @fleetsara for taking me to the T-wolves game)
4. Shopping in non-plus sizes. 
5. Crossing my legs comfortably. 
6. Washing a pair of jeans, drying them...and still being able to zip them. 
7. Standing at a concert, the entire time. 
     I used to make up excuses to sit down, "Guys, grab that table...we can 'talk' then..." (even though we never talk at concerts...)
8. Doing a "heel stretch" again...yay for getting back my flexibility! (I am a choreographer, and used to be on a competitive cheer squad in college)
9. Speaking at events, and not covering up with 2-3 layers of "flowy" clothing to try to hide my size. 
10. Shopping...without crying in the dressing room. 

But, while these amazing things have been wonderful I still realize there are barriers that aren't going away no matter how much weight I lose. In fact, some problems are amplified. 
For example, when getting cat-called I feel panic. True fear. It is not "in" me to just laugh it off. I've written other blog posts about why I feel this way, and my fear of men after a not so great history with dudes who like to prey on women...let's just say, this is something I'll definitely need to do more work on to cope with/understand. I'm also horrible at taking compliments (so I'm told). Often times my response to "You are my hero for all the weight you've lost," is simply, "Haha, whatever! You are MY hero because you didn't eat yourself into a fatty mcfatterson in the first place. I was a mess." I'm realizing, I need to continue the positive self talk, and treat myself like I treat my friends, with compassion. I'm still the same Erica, big...or small. The same heart, same feelings, same self worth. Another thing to work on. 

Thanks to everyone for all of the support! Please remember, if my story has moved you in any way...consider giving to my Weight Loss for Water fund. I still have more than 2K left to raise, and time is running out. Just $20 buys water for a child for 20 years, amazing! Together, we can make a difference. 

Oh, and before I forget...I was a guest on The Conversation Hub this week! It's a great podcast about conversations, and I talked about twitter friendships, weight loss, charity: water, and a lot of other stuff-soooooo fun! A big thanks to Marc for the opportunity. 

Thanks again for all of the support, everyone. The love you send me on a daily basis has made all of the difference. 

Be present. 

E

(download)

Must Be "Present" To Win.

Chances are, you aren't going to win Publisher's Clearing House, or that amazing fruit basket you registered for. But, you can learn a lot from a popular disclaimer. 

Sure, luck plays a part...and life is about being in the right place, at the right time. But, what if you always had the ability to do just that...everyday?  

Stick with me here. Lately I've been worrying a lot. Letting anxiety over the little things, get to me. Wrapped up in my own head. Second guessing choices I've made, giving myself the, "what the hell are you doing?" speech time after time. Replaying yesterday, the day before...months before, and wishing I had done things differently...or, being proud of myself for doing things the way I did. Up...down....panic. Then, looking into my crystal ball at the future, and thinking, "yup, screwed..." or, "whoa, now what!?" 

So, what's my problem?  Well, I think part of it...lies in forgetting about this popular contest tag line: 

"Must be present to win." 

Sounds simple, but...it means much more than being physically present somewhere for a meat raffle. Read it again. "Must be present to win." I think this is the perfect life slogan, really. If you are looking past the present moment, or before it...you aren't truly giving all of your energy to what you are doing right at this second. 

So, take a step back rainbow pukers. Concentrate only on what you have the power to change, right now. And do just that. 

Live here. Be here. Now. It's the only place where you can control every damn thing you do or say. 

Be completely present. And you'll always win. :) 

Meditation...um, what if I don't "get it?"

Hey awesome cats! Here is my version of the "Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How's"  of meditation...in a quick video.  I've been talkin' a lot about meditating, lately- and getting a bunch of questions from friends about what it means, how to get started, etc...
I'm not an expert, hell...it's still confusing to me from time to time. BUT...it has helped lower stress and anxiety level, and feels freakin' awesome so far. To be clear, this is just my opinion on the topic in a "shoot straight with me" type of way. I suggest picking up a book for meditation for beginners, or doing some more of that fancy "google-ing" on the topic, if you're interested. 
:) Enjoy. Namaste, dudes! 
Keep puking rainbows.
E

Why your life doesn't suck.

Often times we expect the "good" to come to us. My friend Iain always says "Go CREATE  a good day" ...instead of "have" a good day. What a cool way to look at things. I mean, the people devastated by the Earthquate/Tsunami are literally going through hell...but, through it all, we hear stories of hope, and positive attitudes. Amazing. I figure, jeeesh...if THEY can create a good day, so can I. Let's do this, people. Here is a healthy kick in the butt, and a dose of perspective.  (ps. my friend "iain" I talk about, is @pleasefindthis on twitter...he was voted by mashable as one of the most inspiring people to follow, good stuff!)

Surrounded by drama? F it. How to deal.

Today I found myself in the middle of some drama on twitter. Eeeeek. A bunch of friends had my back, and came to my defense, which was great...and told me, "actions speak louder than words." 
This made me think...of course that's true, but sometimes NOT taking action, is the most powerful thing we can do to help someone, and to stop drama and refuse to feed the egoic mind. ;-) Here is something to think about the next time a friend, co-worker, or family member has drama they are venting to you about. A little experiment. :) Try it out. 

Why Being Selfish...F-ing Rocks

The other day someone said to me, "Some days I don't get you...you don't seem like a real person. You go on with life, as if nothing affects you...positive. It baffles me."

This, pardon my french...was a big mind F*ck for me. Probably because I don't see myself in that light.

I don't feel positive. My co-workers would tell you I'm the definition of sarcasm. Sure, I post quotes and present-minded thoughts/sayings on twitter and in my blog...but, are those things a true reflection of how I'm always feeling?

Well, yes and no.

Confession: anytime I post the things I do, it's because "I" need it. Yup, selfish. But, I figure hell...if I'm feeling unsure or shitty, someone else out there probably needs some rainbow pukeage as well, right? Here are three reasons why selfishly posting positive things works, for me:

1. The Power of Attraction. If I post something about feeling shitty, or mad...usually the people who are also feeling shitty or mad latch on to it. They fuel it. Keeping me in the rut. Sometimes it's nice, but in the long run...c'mon, who wants to feel like crap, even longer? No thanks.

2. To Honor Awesome. Let's be honest...the people who originally said the quotes out theret, are pretty much radtacular. They are famous for a reason, mainly...because they are smarter than most of us. So, why force my babble down the throats of followers...when I know theirs actually makes sense? ;-)

3. You Never Know Who's Reading. Some days, we're at the end of our rope...and it's all we can do to hang on. But, when you see a message with a grain of hope it's easy to think the universe is sending you a sign. Be that sign for someone today. I promise, even if you don't think anyone in the world is reading...someone is. Even if that someone...is you. ;-)

Get after it, people. Be selfish in seeking good. Sometimes the cheerleader we need, is inside.

Now, go grab your puke rainbow pom poms. ;-)

Go team!

~E

Finding Your Center in a Sh!tstorm

It's a funny thing, finding peace. The minute you get there, outside sources accuse you of all sorts of things.  Being "out-of-touch" maybe "immune to sadness", "stupid positive all of the time..."

But, here is the thing. That's all bullshit, really. Finding your center doesn't mean you are avoiding the negative things in life, it means you have the ability to know yourself, take a step back, and gain perspective...even when things around you turn to crap.

It's not about rattling off positive quotes, always being bubbly, faking enthusiasm. It's about seeing a situation for what it really is, just that...a situation. Nothing more, nothing less.

Sure, events will change your life, considerably...sometimes things are devastating. You have the right to break down, react, lash out, and cry.  Being centered doesn't mean you always stay strong. We're all allowed a certain amount of crazy, some of us more than others-haha. But, finding that place within yourself  means knowing there is more out there than just your reaction to the event. The ability to see beyond it, past egos, doubt, fear, and hatred. And to know the massively shitty day will pass, and you'll be able to puke rainbows again.

Because, despite what's happening on the outside...your center is all yours. Reactions  to the world, and yourself, belong to you. So, breathe...close your eyes, and remember who you are. What you are. Strong, loved, and in control. You've got this. And, if someone gives you shit for having the ability to stay centered...shake it off. Remember, hurting people want others to hurt with them. It doesn't have to be that way.

Be you. Be love.

"Being enlightened doesn't mean being happy. It means you're ok even when things aren't." -my friend, Iain Thomas